Equality for all

This morning the California Supreme court ruled that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is unconstitutional. With this ruling, thousands of same sex couples, a handful of whom Ed and I call friends, can now enjoy the rights and protections that married heterosexual couples often take for granted.

As many of you know, Ed and I eloped the day before he deployed to Iraq. Several people commented that after sixteen years together, it probably didn’t make that much of a difference.

It did.

That piece of paper brought peace of mind, a sense security and, I would say, a deeper commitment on both of our parts to making it through our year apart.

I knew that if Ed was wounded, I would be able to take time off from work to care for him. That as his wife, I would not have to wave my power of attorney document in the air every time a shift change occurred in a hospital, in the event that his visitation was limited to “family only.” That if he died, I would have the right to survivor benefits.

Fortunately, it doesn’t look like that’s going to be an issue. However, while he’s been gone I have been able to deal with financial matters more easily. The tax breaks for us as a married couple certainly were a nice touch, too. As was the extra separation pay that he earned from the army. And again, there is something intrinsically different. Even though we were together a long-time in a committed relationship, making those vows, getting that piece of paper does make a difference.

Every person in a committed relationship deserves to have those rights, especially that peace of mind to know that if something happened to the most important person in their life, they would be able to be with them and care for them.

Married couples in the United States enjoy approximately 1400 rights – 400 at the state level and 1000 at the federal level that non-married couples do not have. These range from inheritance rights in the absence of a will to the right for a married partner to apply for citizenship. Spouses also have access to survivor benefits through Social Security, pension plans, and Medicare. The list goes on, so many rights – rights that govern finances, health, survivor benefits, child custody and support – that most of us in take for granted.

While this is a great step forward, it’s not the end. The federal government still denies those 1000 rights to same sex couples. Married couples in California will continue to have to file two different tax forms every year – married in California and single at the federal level (imagine what a nightmare that must be!). Furthermore, a coalition of religious and social conservative groups is attempting to put a measure on the November ballot that would write discrimination into the state constitution by passing an amendment banning gay marriage.

But today, we can celebrate that equal protection has been extended to millions of men and women. Because, even though Ed serves with the "don’t ask don’t tell" branch of the government, this is a decision that we both support.